2011's first entry :) (Another day with Sonia in the hospital-Madras)

After God graciously added 20 little ones to our lives since September 2010, I completely abandoned writing. 
 19 beautiful baby girls God birthed in our hearts before we met each other --(girls rescued from female infanticide) and the 20th  --2nd son to Paul and I birthed at home in Phoenix in September:)

I am just now coming out of the fog and giving into my friends challenges to get back on here, to document our wild journey, it's challenges and victories in hopes of remembering the stories of His faithfulness in years to come. 

So power outages and slow speed dial up, diaper-less babies, look out, I am determined!
I will get a post on here--even if it takes a week in bits. :)

One of our precious 19--Sonia, age 4 thanks to a few of God's generous kids was able to undergo heart surgery here for a 5 in. hole!
This entry has to do with giving thanks for and trials that go along~

"I have all and abound"  Phil, 4:18 a; 

"He is able to make all grace abound to you"!
2 Cor, 9:8

Words my mother use to challenge me to chew on, to say out loud over and over until they ring true though everything in me protests the opposite. 

Paul,  (My amazing hubs of 3 yrs), flashes his all-knowing smile my way under his dirty sun glasses when he hears the pep talk with God under my breath, through my head covering on the bike, "I have all, I have ALL, i abound, I AM abounding, overflowing, flowing...."

The more I tell myself I truly do ALL and abound, regardless of the scenery around me, regardless of the lack I feel-- the more I learn to let this truth sink in and settle on deepest levels of my frail heart, the more I learn to hear it--I find I really do start to believe. And this is the victory that overcomes the world, our faith! And when I let my soul feed on this principle, I can boldly stand and encourage the vision of my husband, I can speak healing into the lives of our children, I can see with eyes of faith and this is His design for our lives. 

It's a good thing when God rushes in changing my perspective, it's a great thing when I can remember in light of eternity today is just a flash, in a moment we will be with Him and in a moment we will be like HIM!!!

Some of the struggles that have been more overwhelming than usual include driving on our motorbike with babies to and from the hospital in flooding, congested traffic and filth. And dealing with disorganized staff and nurses who don't seem to care for our little one they are over seeing in the hospital. Parents are required to sleep overnight with their children in the hospital, to chart all voiding, to dispense medicine and give care as nurses make notes from their table observing.  Paul's mom has graciously spent these nights caring as I am not permitted with a nursing baby. 
The staff informs us to come at 5 or 7 am to begin Sonia's operation and we will set our 4 am alarm, bundle babies and arrange/pay for a friend to help watch them in the hospital waiting room as they aren't permitted inside..... then they will inform us the procedure will delayed another 4 hours all the while baby girl is not allowed to eat or drink waiting for her operation on the bed. The cost for this procedure has doubled from what they informed us and we learn they will not begin the procedure until it's paid upfront in full. 
We must be there to sign a paper before they move her or do anything, but 4 out of 5 times they will inform us no one is permitted that time....when you’re too polite we are learning no progress will be made. Paul yells at the helpless and confused staff barefoot in saris behind the dusty counter for their error and lack of proper communication all causing our sweet girl to suffer in the wait for thirst. I feel livid, anxious to head upstairs and give her lunch and juice. Paul He heads to the chaotic parking lot that also serves as a temple full of mournful and singing worshippers offering trades and sacrifices for a family member inside. He's on the line with two calls at once with banks trying to move funds just given in the nick of time her surgery through the night.  We sneak up the flights of stairs in the back. The surgery postponed for the morning again.

 Down the stairs again to nurse our three month old waiting in the lobby with family.

"Thank You, Lord Jesus, you are here".

"Thank You for reminding me to abide, with out you I cannot do this", I pray in the over crowded waiting room..

Our night is short, full of prayers, full of hope for our little one to have His favor and mercy repairing the walls of her heart--it's her big morning, at last! Paul and I can't believe how the Father has provided all we need just in time without us informing everyone of the need, this is the He works--without faith showing His mighty steadfast power in our lack each time! 
Finally, we sneak up the flight of stairs like every other morning (as only one parent is allowed at once) where we will be able to spend time with our precious Sonia together! The little dolly waits in her hospital gown--open in the back--her shinning eyes light up as he lifts her head to the sound of our calls, "SONIA, SONIA" (it’s a well-known song in Tamil here), surrounded by iv bags, carts and tiny sick babies--even just a few days old. She leaps in our arms forgetting about her bandage on her heart, clinging to us for dear life smiling. She's ready to pray--our little tradition when we first arrive in the morning, she presses her hands tightly together, "Dear Jesus, thank you for this day. My Jesus, thank You for my heart. My Jesus, please bless my doctors, please bless my nurses..." then she proceeds with us to pray for her 18 sisters and ends with baby Maciah looking up asking suddenly, "where is my baby?" (Our baby boy :) who is not permitted on this floor.

:) I adore this little girl!!

Paul plays a game with her on the pillow using the chain on our entrance pass, her giggles lighten my weary soul.

All to fast our time is up, Paul and I tell her she will have a bran new, beautiful, strong heart when she wakes up and see us, we tell her how proud we are of her and that Jesus is with her, He is going to repair her heart! We are excited, it's happening though we hate to leave her bed side every time. I have to believe in these moments , He is calling her to Himself and nothing will hinder her from following. He is making her brave. There is something so undeniably special and magical about this little girl, you can't stop from smiling yourself when you meet her--the way she can light up the whole block with her darling singing and dancing--she is meant for great things in this world, I can't believe He gave us front row seats in her life.

Last night after we left, Paul's parents went to pray for her--of course they were stopped by the hospital staff as well, but Paul's dad pushed right through to find Sonia sobbing alone in her ICU bed, he went to here, laid and on her forehead and silenced all in the room, including Sonia. How thankful I am to have loving in-laws who have also taken on these girls and their care in their hearts with us.

This hospital is the very best in India for hearts. Sonia's surgeon is clearly brilliant, but lacking strength in the people skills department. "Can you explain to us how you repaired the hole- what’s involved in re-constructing  the atrium wall?? "

He replies "Ya, you can just check the chart at the time of discharge."

Paul says questions here are very offensive and untrusting, the opposite of what we are taught in the states--to welcome and encourage questions as a means of instruction and growth.

Maybe I can ask in another manner, "Sir, see we rescue girls and have other girls with heart issues and will face this again-we wanted our girls to have the best care- vs. cheaper government care. If there is a way you can help me with photos of the heart before and after the surgery so that we can document what a great service our little girl had with your treatment, vs. something local..."   "No photos were taken of Sonia during surgery, she will have a long life now, see the file at discharge".  As he gives a smile that doesn’t seem to go with his tone or few words.

I remind myself of the miracle that we are even here in the lovely  hospital, I praise God that our little girl is no longer critical as I look around at all the mournful faces of families of sick little ones. Praises well up in my heart turning genuine as I consider all my hubs has on his plate .....

Paul's cell vibrates none-stop as usual when we meet with staff in the hospital, questions regarding church needs, repairs in the church, budget issues, calls from our other 18 girls we are missing, updates on our babies waiting in the lobby, new sports teams for the start of the year needing orientation, jerseys, friends inviting us to their churches, dinners, wondering why they haven't seen us yet in India... etc.

and he is here with me, with Sonia….making this happen. His heart adores these baby girls as much--if not more than I do, what a gift! This undertaking was never something I talked him into.

He declined 3 pastors invites for him to preach this week; I am thankful.
(He's a pastor---we live above our church in madras :)

It's all worth it, I tell myself as we come home after 7 hrs, walking up the 47 stairs carrying water, babies and a few groceries , greeted by the neglected mounds of laundry waiting for us to wash together by hand.
I am stopped by the presence of the Lord
grateful He is steadfast in His encouragements to my soul, I make sure to put crying babies down, sit and listen.
"I have much more for you, my daughter, I am molding you even in this"

A great comfort to my soul that all this struggle, all this waiting is accomplishing a greater, hidden work in the eternal realm. 

This morning at 4 when the call to prayer sounded and our church started to fill up below for prayer and fasting, Paul declared a stay at home day as he noticed I was limping to get baby. (early this year I broke 3 bones in my ankle from a fall down the stairs in my 2nd trimester needing surgery and now I have a foot full of plates and medal that aches when I am too active:)

  I am very happy with this declaration in our little two room place-I love the days we lock ourselves away ( although home here feels like a very extended camping trip---in a third world country, I must confess). 

I am learning to entrust Sonia as well as all of our precious children to the Lord and His perfect care as He knows the way that we take and only He knows what's ahead the next day. I trust His grace supply is enough to sustain us this moment. And in this moment joy is realized as I discover, truly I DO have ALL and abound.