Baby's first

Ocean fun with Daddy.....how did I get so lucky?! God, you are GREAT! Your mercies are new every morning and your faithfulness never fails. Marina Beach, Chennai with Isaiah, our firstborn, 2010. Loving our blind adventure we have jumped head first into, so much in store, open arms to love the ones You send, Father, open heart to lean all You have to show us. May we honor You in whole hearted obedience, may our little one know what it is to have parents who walk with You.

You know you're in India when...

You know you’re in India WHEN…. ~You buy something only to discover after you’ve brought it home the electrical cord doesn’t match the outlet in your house!
Who knew-there were like 6 different styles!! You can only hope you lucked out after your purchase!~You have to hire 3 people to drill holes for hooks in your house with cement walls.
~You have to remove your shoes before walking into a filthy store.
~The pharmacy on the corner you run into for toilet paper says "You bought the last roll last week, Ma'am"! (They just keep a roll or two on stock and all know who buys it. Nice.
~You have to wait 3 hrs for the audience to arrive when you are invited as guest speaker.  (Plan for the day—not for the event, then you won’t be irritated with the surprise.)~ You turn on the sink in the bathroom in the morning and nothing happens.
~ Your hubby corrects you for slipping and crossing your legs in a formal meeting. (0ffensive here)
~ Putting on your sons shoes at the front door---neighbors are calling out size advice. ;0)
~ You're at a party and the beverage being passed person to person is one vase with water and one cup...hhhm suddenly not feeling so thirsty.
~You've been standing in line for ten minutes and the line only grows as people jump in front of you like it's standard procedure. You have to get aggressive if you want to make it to the counter.
~ You go out to eat and only half the items on the menu are available (don't get your hopes up when you see "cheese" at a vegetarian hotel! lol)
-Your door bell chime box is a shrine for Mother Mary and baby Jesus. Not kidding.
~ At an elevator if you don't stand waiting with your nose at the doors--You'll never get in!! They shove in like sardines before the people the ones inside have a chance to exit! The work-out of the stairs is usually worth it to avoid the stampede.
~ "No" always mean "YES" when referring to food. Just when you were sooo proud of yourself you finally cleared your plate and they come to dump more---don't assume your "no" will be heard....better to run!

Simplicity

(Photo of our neighbor's opposite our house...I dearly miss yards....front or back---I miss those green spaces!)
I've had the baby on my back pack carrier at home all day as fire crackers go off none stop....some festival going on outside--not sure what this one is for ;0) It seems tonight after the billionth cracker as I work around here as all is normal and play some Phil Wicham songs baby is learning he is safe and becoming familiar with the constant bangs. But even I have not been able to get used to it. If you look out our back--or front--or side you will see an inch of wrappers covering the road from the fire crackers-the smoke is so thick you can't even see the crowds formed just at the base of our stairs setting off the light show. It's sheer madness and my heart smiles over God's goodness that we are here.
I can truly say in a day there is not one thing, exept of course God's faithfulness and our pursuit of Him and one another that is the same as daily living in the West. It is a good thing. I am convinced. The slow pace, the simplicity, the focus on God and the spiritual all around--you can even feel it in the market. I believe it's a good thing. We are the farthest from that place where all try to look their best and are consumed with money-making and being important. It is a place where believers come and pray for the day below in our church, where neighbors walk in just to say hi, sqeeze my babies cheeks, offer advise for his cold and go their way. ;0) This is the place where laundry is done by hand in a bucket, where water runs out most days and we save it in another bucket, where we walk or borrow a bike or grab a rick-shaw, where we sit on the floor to eat using our hands, where the power cuts most afternoons and some nights-where friends drop by instead of calling. We have to get to know each other when we slow down.
Where I have utterly neglected this blog!! I blame it on the simplicity of life. I am determined to get back to it!
I am thankful.
I find everyday God challenges me. Challenges my faith, my routines, the myriads of ways I discover I am trying to be god and keep things under control when He is allowing things to fall apart around me. I see His beauty here and I am learning He is liberating me. I praise Him for it. It's a great thing to be set free. Of all the things that hold me back from truly seeing Him, of all the obstacles I find I myself have put there in my attempt to like Him. Teach me to embrace simplicity, Lord. It seems the opposite from all I have learned about being productive, juggling and being ambitious in the West. Were it not for some of that ambition, I doubt I would have ever come to India--or be married to this family for that matter-so I have to thank the Lord for it and now learn this new freedom of being. Sitting at feet, being still, watching at His posts--looking for where He is on the move. I believe simplicity would describe You if You were living here, Lord. Let the goals and agendas and self-promoting ideas and ambitions fall away. Let me be still and know that You are.
I sit here with the believers and we have tea. They share their struggles with me and suddenly I realize as I hug them, I am His arms. Godly families are one in a million here. May the fragrance of ours draw them near a loving Savior. May the Godliness they see in our day to day convince them the Gospel is the Truth. And He is the only One to redeem and truly set them free.
I am embracing simplicity and it is good. I feel liberated. My mind is clear. I pray this remains---whether east or west or north or south. You are God, I have no reason to strive.

My friend, really?

On the way home, this precious lady hard at work grabbed my attention with her piercing stare. I had to stop....Paul doesn't always give in, but this time he did. She heard the word "friend" from my mouth....she looked surprised....are you, really, her eyes asked with earnestness. She seemed thankful for our exchange and loved the fact that I wanted a snap with her. God broke my heart after my short exchange with her as I wondered when I would see her again. To be a friend here in India is all together different than in the West...(in the West we have the luxury of being very choosy in our friendships so that we will not come out short, there are understood boundaries and if you miss a call, it is not a problem....you will connect at your convenience). In India between true friends-there are no limits, no boundaries and the assumed is that you will be available 24-7 to help your friend. It is a humbling calling. Is it really an offer I can make now as wife to a church planting pastor and Mommy, I consider now? Teach me, Lord! India's view of friendship sounds awfully close to the Gospel's when I think about it...."no greater love than this to lay your life down for your friend"...doesn't it? Owe no man nothing, but love! Very humbling.
God challenged my heart again, "Do you love my India?"
This morning chanting began at 2 am in a symphony of horns, bells, drums- (not with a pattern from what I could tell), and calls to a pagan god in wild worship right outside making sleep impossible as our place seemed to shake from the volume.
"How much do you love my India?" I heard my Shepherd's challenge again as I was more concerned with the fact that the three of us were missing sleep than crying out for my Lord's mercy over a thousand people lost for an eternity to the devotion of their idols just feet from our house.
I have to confess, this is a regular dialogue that goes on here with the Shepherd in my heart. "My child, how much do you "care" for these ones on their way to an eternal damnation? 'Is your heart broken, full of sorrow for the loss that breaks My own?"...
I am undone as I see my selfishness anew here in precious India. How many insane things drive me crazy in day ---truly the epitome of nuts that would drive any man to be in the center of it.....to the norm they are inconveniences, frustrations. But for the one with Kingdom eyes they are opportunities to enter into that gap, to cry out, to intercede, to be the light, to love more, to die, to become less. Let me see with your eternal eyes, my Lord!! Change my perspective into that which does not perish....let me see the thing that YOU do.
Forgive me, Lord. It seems like I am only beginning to see the tip of the ice-berg....show me YOUR view of friendship, of Christ-like friendship. Let me embrace the chances to die....to my agenda, to my understanding, to my goals for the day as I embrace Your Kingdom agenda.
Teach me, Great Lover of mankind to love like You. Selflessly, all-accepting. May Christ feel so at home in my heart that if HE were here in the flesh, (again....just for a friendly visit), my place was the first stop of His heart's desire...just to come, sup with me. Chai with my Lord. Let me be the friend Christ Himself desires.

must run there is a cute little Indian family banging at my door...this will be interesting as they don't look like they know any English....and Paul is not here  Let the fun begin! Always happy when I can post before I lose power!! Thank You, Lord!!

The View out of our kitchen in Sastri Nagar, Chennai

 

View outside our window to the East

 

This is the bustling Hindu temple accross from our house/church. Our driver on occasion--new to Paul's disciple group of men, just 25, was a priest here for 5 years before the Lord got a hold of his heart. He is an active member at our church now.

Isaiah's treasure on a hot Indian day

 

Don't worry--it's clean water! :0) While we work on the patio---this is baby's favorite place

A Prayer

 

Enjoying everyday with my baby....knowing we will not be here long, praying to not miss walking in the present, for finding new for joy in WHO HE is!

My hubby sits on the floor in his lunge with Tamil Bible in hand covered in a traditional woven slip full of colors. Baby blows bubbles with eyes wide open catching every word as Daddy reads in his mother tongue beginning from Genesis.
These moments have been my greatest treasures, I close my eyes trying to permanently imprint them on the memories of my mind.

Luxuries I have so enjoyed in these months here in the states that will not be afforded to me later…
Daddy with us during the day! (not having a church here to lead) (The long hugs with just a little one beside us, the laughs, prayer together, the nonsense of chasing each other around a two room apartment on lazy afternoons-pure delight)
Carpet! (Much of life is spent on the floor…reading, working, eating out of habit.)
QUIET! All around us is silent…..wait, listen….it’s only the birds. Amazing. I covet this most upon each return from India…..truly unattainable living in the city in Madras.

The Lord continues to call-
He calls me to Himself. He calls me to be quiet.
He draws me in His love, to come, to hide inside,
To see Him, to bend, to die.
To hide away and rest awhile in the bosom of His care,
To discover He is all I need in this life beyond imagination,
As I quiet my mind and listen to Him, all I need is here.
What a wonder, what joy, what a comfort to know HE is
Beyond all comprehension and it is He Who holds our life.
If, my daughter, my love, my beloved, you can see, then only you will know…
if, my molly, you can die to the thing that is not Me…
Then only your heart eyes will open and you will begin
To truly see.
I am.
Let my love alone be enough.
Let My Name, Myself be your all sustaining grace.
Do not become tossed about and swayed with your emotions.
Do not let love of family, comfort, safety, quiet, peace
Be greater than Your view of Me.
For only as you learn to die, to let go of all you’d like
To hold—only then will I show You in Myself is all you’ll ever
Need.

Feeling deep conviction for loving too much.
I did not see how much of myself I was giving away…
Love to family, love to friends, love of even the simple things.
Love for 'my' music, loving personal space, loving time with husband
That soon won’t be mine. Loving even the hold of a fine spatula…
The rubber grip in hand…baking in America is pure luxury.
Oh how I will miss it! Forgive me, Lord--let my LOVe for You replace
every other morsel and delight until YOu and You alone become the
joyful and amazing sound of every moment, of my day and longing
of my night! Just to sit a while in Your Word and hang there upon the truth, this is my desire, to be filled up here only in You.

with Grandpa...

 

Today was a super special day with Grandpa! We helped outside at our friend's yard sale.... baby loves discussions with his grandparents. Let's just hope he always tells the truth!

My fam :) Palm Springs after Jill's wedding-Isaiah's first wedding

 

Daddy's Boy!

Isaiah 91 Days old, Dorley Zoo, Omaha NE~ 

Mommy's Gift! Babe meeting his Greats!

 

The day you turned 89 days old (3 months), your Great Grandmother, Mary held you. This made Mommy's year!!!! So thankful God allowed this visit...thankful Grandpa was strong enough to spend time with us. Thankful they were able to meet my amazing men for the first time. Paul and I desire to teach Isaiah about both our worlds--his rich heritage from India and America. Help us, Lord! Our time in Nebraska was truly a dream come true for Mommy. And Daddy liked the ease in traffic.

Isaiah's travels his first year

 

A refreshing visit with Nathan's family in the CA mountains, loved their gardens. 

Joining In Touch Mission Agency in Tempe, AZ 2010

Great Is Thy Faithfulness!! Isaiah William, our greatest gift from God born February 12th, 2010

                          

 

Photos a gift from the Lord by a gifted photographer in Chandler~

Dreaming of returning to the sound of His call...March 2nd week

Paul's shouts in Tamil help keep baby half awake as I lazily attempt his night's last feeding....it seems my great scheduling efforts have all been in vain! Baby still thinks he's starving every two hours......and I jump at his waking call-such a wimp.  "Isaiah has my wife well trained" Paul says!  Daddy calls it "acting"...Mommy says, "he's hungry!"  



It's nearly 1 am. and I haven't taken the naps with baby that I read are advantageous. 
Amma (mother in Tamil) struggles to understand Paul through his old cell phone barely operating--but our life line keeping our world's connected. The speaker phone sends rickshaw bells from the road-side right to our condo here in Phoenix sending me back to Sastri Nagar as if we never left.



But we have. Paul and I have been on this journey away from our India for nearly a year studying, learning together, joining a mission agency that helps support the work of nationals in their native country, applying for his citizenship and having our first child. 
I can only imagine all of the Lord's purposes for us, our marriage, our ministry in this precious time. I think of what it will all mean later for our Isaiah...being born American, where his heart will be later in life, how the Father will call and lead him.
It's been invaluable.
My husband now understands my jokes!! Sarcasm is becoming a subtle skill of his and that to me is more precious than I can even describe as our fist year of marriage in Chennai--before Paul had ever left the East lacked any kind of fellowship with humor. A heart's desire now fulfilled--as a marriage without humor is not a haven for this American girl. 



He now will understand the thousand things I miss and fail to say in India in a day....from carpet, to yogurt to hugs, laughter out loud and useless, silly constant texting from family members who know you all too well. Paul has also developed a great understanding of Americans.....what they're walking through over here, the pain of broken families, the hard work behind a well earned dollar, how great and differently they love and show it. 
For him to have his own friendships now with the people in my life who's photos sit in the pages of my Bible Bible in India is priceless. He knows the precious ones in my life holding us up before the throne....that means so much to his wife!
this is all a gift---I never even asked my Father for...but He's lavished this new understanding on both of us--the knowledge of our family's, our backgrounds, our cultures and comforts. I am truly thankful. Our first year as rich as it was being married lacked a certain grounding He is now giving in a deeper knowledge of one another, creating fun in friendship. We had the passion, we had the rare fellowship where we challenged and spired the faith of one another--but our friendship needed to grow as He opened the way to more understanding. I am thankful for the unique quality of a teachable spirit in my fearless leader, along with his servant's heart--I rarely see that in pastors, especially in the East. 



My little sister, Michelle (or Belle) was here today before rushing into ICU where she lives practically as a night trauma nurse. Our current home is just down a block from her hospital making her visits convenient, My great highlight! She brings her crazy stories making me laugh so hard I tear up, her questions about her future, her un-ending support and love for baby, Paul and me. Her birthday is the 19th. Paul and I are excited to host her little family dinner here, listen to more stories from Haiti, just be together.
My older brother, Matthew is just 5 minutes away south of us. Paul picks him up on Tuesdays for men's Bible studies.....we share a bite when he has time, he comes in like a storm grants his approval, we laugh as he taunts me relentlessly ..... I have to treasure these moments... we never know what the Lord will do. We recall Paul's visa denials three times in a row--where the way just did not open up for his visit to the sates before marriage to come and learn and slowly He is opening the way and making sense of our timeline. I can not take a moment for granted.
These have become the sweetest parts of my time here. Moments with the ones we love. Exchanges with family and friends that believe in us, that know what Paul and I are living for. That understand how badly we want to be effective for His Kingdom. How at times our days haven't made sense here, but we realize we're on the path to be poured out for Him and look for it.









Daniel, his most loyal of disciples grabs the cell from Amma.....they are carrying up loads of bricks up the stairs balanced on their heads. As our parents oversee the project from the terrace insuring only the best mortar is used. Daniel takes a break reminding Paul of his duty this summer to help him hunt for his bride.....the boys start heckling him and we end our phone call.
Hitting our knees together before drifting off with baby....it's so clear Jehovah's hand as been on every part of our journey here. We can't wait to be back in the rich harvest He's called us to. Lord, purify us that we may be Jesus to the ones who have yet to hear! Knowing our guest house is being prepared for our mission compels us to greater faithfulness. It's all, only for you, our Lord of Glory!



We long to see you honored in our land.



Prepare us!



Quicken us!



May we only delight in Your Word!



Remain in You and bear much fruit!



The very purpose of our union on this earth
that YOU will be seen and adored because
of our obedience.
That we will decrease as YOUR Kingdom Comes!
That all may know that YOU alone are the Christ,
the Son of the living God! And coming soon to
judge the world in sin and righteousness.
May we be without shame on that great day.



Let us be poured out unto You, our precious Lord
and Christ.....for You alone are our life.

February special

Little one is here!! In our arms, at last.

I am becoming the kind of mom I never thought I would be! The absolute spoiler...not able to bear it when he cries, hardly putting him down, feeding
baby at his every whim.....this madness has got to stop! I am going to make things
impossible for service back in India as babe is learning to be the boss! :)

He sleeps looking like an angel now and a thousand things I have to do, (and finally can!), run through my mind as he makes his little sweet sighs.....My great battle--
do I rest when baby does or finally tackle my list that's been growing since before labor began!

Paul is now at my brother, Matt's place down the road doing our wash. I have been reveling in God's grace over us, giving us our condo and space just in the nick of time! The church bells ringing in the distance just down Central Ave along with the palm branches waving in my bedroom window have been special extras of His grace as I have laid in bed healing, waiting on Him, loving my baby the last 3 weeks.

It's all been a whirl-wind of a culture shock for my man---in who's culture
Mom and dad and siblings take over and share all your duties with new baby. Usually you move back in with parents. Here in the West the Daddy's are the Hero! If you are so lucky. Paul has jumped in head first with no turning back.....not a complain from my man who sets up his little man caves with baby to give mom a little sleep in the wee hours. They are very content and pleased with each other.

The Love Factor that enthralls us, that keeps us captivated by every little sound and grimace is God's great weapon of choice connecting us to the constant care of our offspring! "Oh, what a face, look at you, little lover....." Oh, I know, Honey, he is so precious.....wait--IS THAT CLOCK OFF ??? Is it really 2:45 am.??!"
True Event! Without this great love effect that sweeps in and literally takes your life by storm--I don't think our babies would get the tender loving care they need to grow and thrive into loving adults with hearts after God and givers in society!

The greatest responsibility ever handed down to Paul and I should terrify us--molding the very view of God for the life of our baby boy.....but rather there is a holy fear, a recognition of our complete and utter dependence on God just like in all other areas of life and a quiet excitement that just sort of bubbles beneath the surface when considering God gave this duty to us!! To us sinful people, to shape our child's faith and prepare Him to reign with Christ in eternity.
This is awe awakening.
We are just only setting our toes in the water....discovering what parenting is.
The gift, the work, the joy, the heart aches...so much ahead.
We are in for the long-hall.

Lord, awaken in us the pure desire to know YOU!
To be among the ones who See You in all--who are true
worshipers in spirit and in truth
through all tasks and silent breaks between the cries and the diaper changes.
Awaken, Lord of Hosts--an unquenchable thirst for Your Word!
Ripen our hearts with greater hunger for You.
Purge away from me, Father every carnal desire and gravity towards
the world--for friendship therein is death--is the enemy of You.
May I be one Spirit with You, my Lord!
Jehovah--You are altogether Worthy and True and GLorious!
I confess that YOU alone are Lord and beside You there is no
other--on earth or in heaven above.

let us be the ones who adore Your Name above food and drink
and all. Even my Lord, above this sweetest adoration you've
filled our hearts with in granting this first fruit.
May we cherish Your Name most, may the role that You have
given us only propel us on the truest devotion we have
ever known.
Purify my heart, oh Lord and remove all that
is filth and self-serving, all that would lust for comforts
and ease, and independence and privacy.
Purge away this dross that will keep my son from seeing Your
True Self.
This is the cry of my heart.....that just as Paul, my
covering in this life was lead to Your heart through
the purity and righteousness of his mother--may my honest
walk before YOU in our home, in our church, in our public
life awaken in Isaiah sincere longings for YOU.
May my love and devotion to YOUR Word first cause our boy to be
a man who keeps his word, who protects the poor, who
fights for truth, for justice, who seeks YOUR face above
all other pursuits in life.
May our Love for one another, for the Gospel, give Isaiah
William a love for both our countries, a passion for the lost
and a fire in his heart to handle the sword valiantly as
an Advocate of Your honor and Kingdom wherever the soles of his
feet shall tread.

Thank you for this blessed life. May we be faithful, Holy
Father. May we be quick to catch each other, to walk in the
spirit in the secret places, to abide with You in every corner
of our minds.
May You alone have the preeminence.

In Jesus' Name
Amen

Baby's Due Date~

What an amazing week....Any moment now-life as we know it shall be changed forever.


Just topped off a Bowl of strawberry Breyers with added banana and blueberries.


Lord, that Thou wouldst grant the most precious gift of Your own life! That You would chose to come! To clothe and even cover us sinful people---then over and above give Your daily grace, Your Shepherding--and Now, our little one being knit together in darkness, in the quiet with His Maker's love--I am undone.
There is no word. "Gift", "treasure", "blessing"--these all fall so short of the thriving life within we anxiously anticipate.


What a wonder--that God would choose this timing--our American experience wrapped up in our first pregnancy journey. My family! My food :) My humor--my language! It's all been amazing and the growth for Paul and I since we landed in Phoenix is evident in the strength of our unity. We praise Him!


The support and care Paul and I have received from the body of Christ in this time has been unlike anything we have every witnessed. It has been overwhelming, compelling and humbling in every way. It has kept us on our face before our Lord; it has fueled our fire anew to take the Gospel to the ends of the earth, to see this baby as God's great champion to the nations, to give our all for our King. May we be faithful. And to think one of my great worries at Christmas time was a little bassinet and wash clothes for baby. Now we hardly have space for all his stuff! God loves to keep us surprised.
I have never known another way with Jehovah! He is always on time--tho I feel just barely.  He loves to save the day and keep me fully hanging on Him. We didn't know until just this week how He would provide or where, now a place has been provided to labor in and hopefully have a natural labor, so grateful. 



Exceedingly anxious to hold our precious one, to stare at his little face and kiss his hairy head. Can hardly imagine how perfect He will be! I confess, thinking about him is an obsession. We praise God and anticipate a great time of worship during his labor however that will look. I am resting in the fact HE will do as HE pleases. In this, I can truly say I have found my peace. I am content with whatever God decides; this is the precious time for Paul and I and my cup is full.

My Paul has just been awesome! Especially his sweet care in my contractions. He is a good distracter, coming close rubbing my head praying over me and helping me focus on intercession and off myself. He is good at that. :)
It still could be days before baby.... ‘Foxes Book of Martyrs’ has also been a great distracter keeping perspective.
The sweetest, joyous time. As Scarlett said at the cafe shower, "It is truly amazing how God is granting all the desires of your heart, Molly". It is something. I would have never imagined the joy ahead of me just five years back. The dark valley of waiting is now a cherished part of my life, seeing His sovereign finger-prints preparing my fragile heart for all He had coming. He is Great and Greatly to be praised!

“Arise! Shine! Your light has Come, and the glory of the LORD has dawned”           Isaiah 60:1