Wishing to shatter the partition in between… Learning about Grace in the Meantime

One of the greatest gifts the Father gave us in sending His Son to save mankind from the downfall of our sin and destruction when He came in human form was the gift of relate-ability. Jesus Christ, clothed in human flesh. Christ chose to face all the temptations we do each day so that we have a God we can go to directly who understands our struggles intimately--not as a distant, high priest judging us from the balcony of heaven, but a Holy God with empathy inviting us to come directly to Him. Hebrews 4:15

As we minister here in India one common misconception with the flock that causes us grief is the notion of holiness in their leaders. Following our services, camps or any conference here in the East without fail, Paul and I are immediately bombarded with an eager prayer line, all wanting a special touch, all wanting a word, convinced in your unique power, your connection with God Himself, unattainable to the rest.

Each day we hit our knees and cry out for the work of the Lord in our hearts, in this city, in our church. We pray over the body, the rooms and even the chairs when it's empty, we visit the homes of the people in crisis or holding a party for us to come and pray and bless them.

And as soon as eager crowds pour in filling up our church, that familiar feeling of the glass right up against my face hits me suddenly, the barrier weighing down my spirit, impossible to shake off or ignore behind the unseen partition.

I feel the heavy of their hopes, the expectations, it is a most unsettling place to be when you and your family know all too well the sin, the short-comings, the fleshing out I myself am broken over in my heart. The outburst of impatience with wild little ones resisting the morning routine to leave on time for church just an hour earlier, the discouragement over unanswered prayer keeping me up the night before, the selfishness in my heart wanting things to be easier, vanity creeping in all over again caring too much about my silly cotton salwar for service that looks more like pajamas.  We tumble in with our crew, all a mess, barely on time and the stares remind me of the role I am eager to shake off.

In the West we want our leaders to be relatable, humorous even, vulnerable, transparent. We want to know them. We want to feel our friends are leading us.

Here in the East where formalities and traditions have crept in, a crippling poison of defeat masked in goodness and pious displays, leaders are groomed to be set apart, super holy beings in their religion, ranking above all. Believers want the show, hungry eyes for the parade of goodness, they want to follow the face of perfection. They want to be convinced of their leader's righteousness. The illusion is the greatest lure here in the Eastern church.

As soon as you begin confessing your sins, teaching leaders to also confess their sins, to be real, approachable, walk in brokenness reminding their people that we are only saved by grace and can do nothing of our own, you have just found the fastest way to shrink your church. The appeal is lost and crowd moves on. They bring their praises and accolades to the nearest church they can find with the bells and the whistles, miracles and wonders.

Though the flesh in me wants to rise up and shake the lines all at once in a group hug spearheading these cultural strongholds with a shout---"We are just sinful people like you, give us a break!!  Do not look to us, we will let you down, we will disappoint, our righteousness stinks before the Lord like all the rest and most of our works will be burned with fire! Let's be real, on our faces looking to the Lamb together!! All that has been given to the Son -you also have!! You do not need a mediator! Your prayers are just as powerful as ours when asking according to His Word!" 

Then He speaks to my heart. "It is my grace they need, and my grace is always sufficient". Grace reminds me of where they are. Grace shows me this way of thinking is not their fault. "Let them not die for lack of knowledge, Lord, let us meet them where they are! Grant me eyes to see what You see, grant me love to work with them as the Father works in our hearts---He ALONE to draw, to woo, to change!! Our hope only in this Gracious Master Who knows no limits--not even limited by my sinful small mindedness."

I have to take a step back here with His precious sheep who need to be fed. He calls me to consider how He works with us in grace. How each is on a different timeline, a different program with the Father and this pleases Him for He is the Faithful One Who has called and WHO will do it. We cannot call or beckon, helpless to rouse ourselves with the slightest hunger unless He stirs our hearts and awakens, unless He grants the revelation, unless HE moves. He decides when we will move and wake up and He decides how swiftly or painfully slow for reasons we cannot begin to see until eternity. 

So for now there is this invisible partition, there is this great divide and though often my nature will question--is this fake or hidden --my Father is teaching me that this for them, for now is grace. So there will not be the deeper levels, the transparency I love to call a friend, the outbursts of laughter will be less frequent and the place to feed my soul is not there just yet and that is OK, because I am learning this is grace. I will welcome them in the prayer line knowing for that moment for most it's their only haven, to fill them up and lock courage away in their hearts they will need to lean on as they return to hostile homes where this peace is unknown. 

I will be 40 anyway in just a couple years so I suppose it's time to learn something of grace, something of dignity, after all, I am a pastor's wife. :)

In the meantime my heart will continue to overflow with thanks and praise and deepest adoration that when it's my Lord and me and no barrier in between, no advocate, no mediator just HE (Ephesians 2:14)--all my tears and all my cries, all my messy messes--no quickly clean it up for God, but here is another sharp and twisted piece, my King I give to You.

 Oh wonder of wonders that He invites! With boldness He tells (Hebrews 4:16), "My joy, my Delight! My precious one my daughter! Run to me, make haste, tell me every single part" and there I bare my soul again and find all I ever need, my soul's best FRIEND.

I dream of that day we will be one as a body worshipping all upon our faces, wall torn down for all to see the only ONE Who is worthy lifted High above all else as we cry "Holy, Holy, Holy!"

For all eternity.

For not to us, Oh Lord--but to YOUR GREAT Name be all the honor and the glory.

What a relief for You ALONE are worthy.